Tuesday, 17 June 2008

giving up and getting back

I realise now as I sit to write this, that i haven't written a blog in forever. O well. Much has happened in my life since my last blog, and i am in such an entirely different place now, it seems hard to believe.
I have seen answers to prayer, seemingly unanswered prayers, made new friends, and come very close to losing two of my best friends through selfish stupidity. I'm currently not even home in Essex, I'm in oxford doing an internship, and from the start of next week, I'll have to find somewhere else to stay as the people I'm living with now are going away. Much change.
But one thing remains- God is faithful. He hasn't left me, and still has good plans for my life, even when i try to wrench them from his grasp and make it happen in my own time. The main example of this in the past months is the whole relationship thing. If you look back at my February blog/rant on valentines day, you can probably sense some of my impatience with God. "God, I know you're going to bring her along when I'm ready, but does it really have to take this long?"... well, let me tell you, taking matters into your own hands doesn't work out so well. Trying to force God's plan just caused incredible pain and betrayal, and the effects are still apparent in the broken trust between friends. In fact, I surprise myself at how much of an idiot i can be, given the chance. Trust me, it's not worth it.

But God has been nudging my heart back into trusting him with this. I feel like i have to do something or i may never find her, or if she's right in front of me she will just slip away. But God says he has plans for my life- good ones, and if i will wait on him, he'll guide my steps. So that's what I'm trying to do- just leave it at his feet, and trust him to bring along the senorita :-) What i can do is work to rebuild the friendships i bulldozed in my attempt at matchmaking without God's input. And hopefully I'll learn from this and come out stronger and humbler.

God, I give over my life plans to you, and ask that you replace them with your own. Help me walk in your presence and listen to your voice. Amen

1 comment:

Emma said...

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)