Thursday, 14 February 2008

On valentines day

For years, probably 3 or 4 years in fact, i've been pretty much fine with being single. After my last major relationship ended, i realised i needed to be a complete person, myself, before looking for completion in anyone else. With that decision came a sort of peace, cause i knew God had it in hand, and i was and am being fathered by God, learning to be the man he made me to be. Believe me, i'm a long way from that work being completed, but i have definately felt that working-- i'm more on the way to being a whole person than i've ever been before-- i'm learning to stand on my own two feet now in a spiritual sense, and my relationship with God has become more real. I live every day trying to make this salvation my own, not my parents faith. And i've made some progress.

But i'm not in that same place of resignation anymore. Things aren't how they were, and people change. I see that in the relationship of two of my closest friends who i love very much. I only realised literally two days ago, the enormity of his love for her. Yes, i know that its completely obvious who i'm tlking about, but i dont apologise for that. You guys, you know who you are, mean more to me than anything. But i see in you the pain of people changing. The way someone can change, but the other not be able to see it. But the biggest thing i have learned from these two friends is the dedication and intensity of a love that is no longer selfish, a love that won't let go in the face of pain, and that is protective, caring, listening, and at every instant wanting to be with that other person. Even when it is not returned. When we have to learn to speak again, and refuse to let things go back the way they were. That love is the most amazing reflection of God i have ever seen. And i don't apologise for picking you out :-) You have taught me so much.

But the point of this blog is this. I thought i was fine being single. I have been for ages. But i'm not. I want someone. I want to love, to protect, to provide, to care about the little things. I know i will screw up at times, but this gift God gave to man- i want to be part of that. I'm probably being ridiculously emo here, but i don't want to go through life a hermit- i want to live and experience joy, love, hope, and face the trials with someone by my side. To be the man God made me to be, not just for myself but for someone else as well.

Maybe Valentines day brought this to head, but its totally true, and whats on my heart right now. Please God, bring someone into my life.


chris002 said...

happy valentines day buddy!

out in the big world i'm sure theres atleast 5 or 6 great women who'd wanna go out with you. After you graduate i'll get you a compass and we can go find them!

bettertohavelovedandlost said...

thanks man :-)

Ami. said...

I'm sure if any guy looked hard enough he'd realise he is surrounded by girls that are desperately trying to get him to notice them.

If you guys look hard enough, you'll see. Just don't take so long in the finding, cause each day that girls lives without you she's in agony.

Now it looks like I'm the one being Emo. Still, I guess thats just me.

Be happy Matt. Whatever you do.

Emma said...

God will bring the most amazing woman into your life - at the right time. Keep holding onto that fact. He will never fail you.